if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
