i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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