hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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