If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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