did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
