I wanna bring you to show and tell
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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