You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
