i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
