thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
