Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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