Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
