Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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