I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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