she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
