Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
