1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
