do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
