Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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