3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
