ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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