It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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