end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
