Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
