I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
