Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
