im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
