Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize