She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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