Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
