return my video game
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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