small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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