you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize