It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
