I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
