I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
