She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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