Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
