you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
