Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
