State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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