alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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