He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
