1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well you can't waste a boner
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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