Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
