Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
