dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
