There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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