I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
