I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize