i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
