I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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