Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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