I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
