was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
