i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
