i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
