I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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