We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
