3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize