smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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