I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
