Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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