apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
