come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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