At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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