I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
