sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
