Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize