4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
