The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
