let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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