I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
