If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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