You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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