Say something about gay babies.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got inside last night via doggy door
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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