You really coming over, don't trick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
