dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
