I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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