This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
