i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
