Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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