I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
