remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
