I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
