; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
