Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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