I heard we made out
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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