let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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