My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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