i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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