I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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