I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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