Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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